Clean the minivan after trips-not before. By the time you're finished with the trip, your minivan will resemble a convenience store after Hurricane Giselle. Honestly, there's no point in cleaning up beforehand.
Prepare for awful, sticky things. Place plastic bags and tissues in every seat-back pocket. Put baby wipes in the front and back, even if you don't currently have a baby. Throw at least one roll of paper towels (two is better) somewhere accessible, and make sure you have disinfecting hand cleaner tucked in the glove box. A five-gallon industrial bucket is best.
Stock a first aid kit. Every Minivan Mom knows the importance of carrying band aids, alcohol wipes, gum, donuts and juice boxes. Prepare for any emergency.
Service the van before attempting to travel with kids. Check oil, tire pressure and top off windshield washer fluid. Make certain the DVD player works and a Gameboy charger is near every plug-in. Do not let the kids choose CDs for your trip, or you will have to endure Gangsta Rap and the Muppet Christmas Carol CD from here to eternity.
Assign seats. As the Minivan Mom, you hold ultimate authority over who sits where. Use it. Keep hair pullers and side jabbers away from one another ("Will you STOP touching your brother?") and make sure the Carsick Wonder gets to sit by a passenger side door in case of sudden stops by the side of the interstate.
Consider reconsidering. It's not too late, you know. If you really must make family vacation memories, a Disney cruise ship with built in babysitters can be an excellent choice-and you'll never once have to use a gas station toilet.
